Over the last several months I have heard of different people who have suddenly lost their loved ones. It really got me thinking, how did I leave my husband this morning? What was the last thing I said to him? Did I do all I can to encourage him and let him know how much he is loved? What was the last thing he heard coming from my mouth? Love or anger? I even got to thinking about my children as well. How did I leave them? Did I make them feel special and did they know I loved them? What was the last thing they heard coming from me? Peace and love or anger and yelling? But that’s for another article!
How quickly we forget that we are not promised our next breath. We don’t know what the next moment holds for us. We spend so much time upset and focused on what our spouse is doing wrong or doing something we don’t like that we loose sight of what caused us to fall in love with each other in the first place. That feeling that we had we were dating. God forbid, but if anything were to ever happen to either one of us, I would hate to say I spent the last time we were together upset at something petty. Something that really doesn’t matter at all but I chose made it a big deal. If we really think about it, in the end it really doesn’t matter and it really was something we could just calmly work out. We just have to choose to work it out instead of fight it out.
How do people get to that point in their marriage that every little thing bothers them?
A lot of times people go into their marriage with the wrong mindset. Maybe they grew up watching their parents display an unhealthy picture of marriage. They might have been in or seen a divorce in another friend or family member and feel like that’s is going to happen to their marriage because that’s all they have known and seen. When that happens you instantly feel like something is wrong if you don’t fight or if you don’t nag at something because “that’s just what married couples are suppose to do”. While there can be disagreements and things that bother you, how you handle them makes the difference. How you react to something that upset you or bugs you is what will set the tone between you as a couple.
It isn’t worth the fight.
Most of the time it isn’t worth saying something about it or letting it get to you to the point that you fuss about it. The scripture is very clear in Romans 12:18 If at possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. It didn’t say to just live at peace with everyone but your spouse. It says as far as it depends on you live at peace with everyone. That means when I feel like fussing over nothing or even if it is something, how I address it determines whether or not I chose to live at peace. It is a choice we have to make. Do we want to live at peace even if that means biting our tongue and walking away from the fight with a good attitude? That is a tough scripture to swallow when our human nature wants to do the opposite and fight, nag and fuss.
Forgotten Why We Fell in Love
Another thing that can cause us to let every little things bother us is we forget why we fell in love in the first place. In our worrying and fretting over the little things we have fallen farther and farther away from the one we love, the one God chose for us to spend the rest of our lives with. The one He chose to help complete us. We have gotten to the point where everything seems like a major issue because we are so blinded and fail to see how minor it really is. We need to get back to life where we don’t sweat the little things. Where we don’t nit pick over every little thing or let every thing bug you.
Let the love that drew you so close together where you didn’t want to ever be apart grow again. Remember what and who brought you together. Sit down together, talk it out, pray and ask God to help your marriage get stronger and your love get deeper and ask him to remove anything that is keeping you so focused on the negative and change your view so you can see the positive in every situation. Even if it really is a big deal, when you are going through it together, there is nothing that you can’t work through.
There is a song I heard a few years back and it came to my mind today. I love this song and it really helps put things into perspective. Click here to listen to it. A lot of times when we are in the middle of a fight or our minds are trying to get the best of us, we need to just take a step back and breathe and pray for God to help you.
Let’s do all we can to keep our focus on growing deeper in our love for each other rather than breaking it down and falling away. You never know what tomorrow holds.
We have always greeted each other and left each other with a kiss & an “I love you”. It’s such a habit after all of these years that we can almost feel as if something is wrong if one of us comes home while the other is in the middle of something and don’t kiss right away. Or if we leave the house in the morning in a rush, before long there will be a text from one of us to the other saying how we hate to leave without our little ritual.
The importance of saying “I love you” when parting ways really hit home a few years ago. My youngest brother had been dealing with some personal issues that had changed him dramatically. We had been very close, and had the kind of brother relationship that many people would be jealous of. But as he (and I) struggled with our own addiction issues he had become a different person. We no longer trusted him completely, and had exhausted all efforts to get him help. But even though things had changed between us, I still loved my baby brother. I’ll never forget standing in our kitchen, giving him a big hug and saying “I love ya brother” as he left our house for what would be the last time. Tragically, years of abusing his body caught up to him. But in the grieving process that followed, the way we parted was a shining reminder to me that he knew that I loved him.
A little thing that many people take for granted turned into a lasting, happy final memory between my brother and I. It serves as a reminder to me that every kiss goodbye, every kind word and every “I love you” is important. Don’t waste a single opportunity to do the little things, because those little things may be bigger than you’ll ever realize. ~ Jake
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