Active or passive, initiator or follower, many spouses eventually fall into one of these roles. Not to say that we’re stuck in one but generally one spouse takes one role or another. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it just kind of works out like that for a lot of married couples. Today we want to talk about switching things up once in a while.
We’re not going to spend a lot of time on the initiating role here, but it is worth mentioning that at least for us, we’ve moved to the point where we can look across the room at each other and raise an eyebrow and we know what the other is thinking. But in some marriages when one partner is always the one to initiate, it can feel as if the other just doesn’t want sex. It’s easy to see how this can start to cause a person to feel inadequate or unloved, and that is a problem.
The topic we want to cover in this post is the active or passive roles once we’re in the bedroom. Even in a marriage where both spouses are generally happy with their sex life, many times one spouse is more active than the other when it comes to the act of sex. By active we mean that one usually leads the way in most sexual activity like changing positions, transitioning from foreplay to sex and basically making the calls during sex. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing to have one partner take the lead most of the time by any means. But sometimes it’s a nice change of pace for the other partner to not drive the action for one night.
Remember that leading doesn’t mean you have to state what you intend to do and lay out a three-part plan for your spouse. Use body language or guide your partner with your actions. For example, a wife whose husband enjoys giving oral sex to might have him lie on his back and straddle his face rather than lay on her back like she normally would. Who says taking the lead means all work and no fun, right?
If you’re the less active partner, try taking the lead the next time things start to heat up. If most times during sex find you on your back while your husband or wife is doing all of the heavy lifting, turn the tables. Even those who enjoy pleasing like to be to get a little extra attention now and then!
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